I can just be me


It is true that time heals all wounds. Of course, it goes quicker and smoother if you participate in the process. I haven’t always known that.

For me, some of the healing has taken over 40 years, mostly because of my resistance. The biggest resistance was to my birth mother and all that she represented. It not only put a physical, emotional, and mental distance between me and her, but it also kept me isolated from my siblings. The resistance was fueled by harsh memories, broken promises, blatant lies, and evil acts. So it was by choice that I resisted.

I have come to realize there were blessings which were delayed because the healing was delayed by my resistance. Now, as I let go of the anger and hurt, I find the ability to open my heart to the possibility of merging my birth identity with my adopted identity. Just making that statement brings my heart to the brink of both fear and peace. Can it really be so? Imagining a life that is converged vs. the before and after orphanage lives I’ve been living for many, many years has a great appeal.  This healing brings me face-to-face with the others who lived through the unraveling of a family. I can now see them differently and separate them from the pain of the past. In that separation I am gaining connections. One-by-one and little-by-little I am merging my history with my present. The healing continues …

Because of my faith, and my maturing, healing heart, I can let these connections in so that we all might be whole. Leonard, Theresa, Shirley, Jimmy, Charlotte, Lynnette and William deserve the healing too. The future looks different to me today. I don’t have to give up one identity, to gain the other. I can just be. I can just be … me.

God is good, his timing is perfect, and I am blessed. Be blessed too!

8 thoughts on “I can just be me

  1. you’ve had a difficult life, and atheist as I am, I agree that bitterness and anger take you nowhere, it’s great that you’ve been able to let go of those emotions finally.

    • Thanks – difficult as they may have been, it has all made me stronger. I understand we have different beliefs but I know my faith has seen me through it all. Be blessed!

  2. This is very good Barb and I am so happy that you are coming into healing by way of “Now, as I let go of the anger and hurt,”. I am going to share this with my brother 🙂

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