I AM NOW ME
I have opened my heart, my soul in order to peer into the deep.
Below the surface, behind the smile, hiding deep inside was hurt and fear.
No conscious part of myself today was aware of that tiny, dark secret skipping around out of view.
Living each day by walking in faith I moved forward.
But lurking inside was a tiny child holding hands with a deep seeded pain.
Unable to let go, she was frozen in time.
Not knowing what would happen or who would lead the way.
And then it changed.
By peering into the dark, the howl and cry of the brokenhearted child began to seep upward toward consciousness.
There was no holding it in.
There was no stuffing the secret back into Pandora’s box.
And so it flowed, with tears and with wailing, into the universe and into the light.
With a scream of acknowledgement it suddenly lost power.
That strong, deep, still fear was revealed for what it was.
It was simply the desperate cry of the child within.
Wanting and longing for the adult on the outside to love and nurture the child on the inside.
And today they meet.
With hesitation and yet with a hint of joy.
She who was with she who is.
Always being the same and yet, not quite ready to join energy and force … until now.
There is a communion of memory with soul and a sudden understanding of the real connection.
It had always been there, untapped and unfamiliar.
The loneliness had now a partner.
The child had now a protector.
The lovable essence and soul had now a name.
I am whole in my own self.
I love in the world today with a full understanding of what was and what is.
I see my separateness.
I am now separate from the cold, unfeeling hand of the past that could never give me what I needed.
I am now, ME.
~ Barbara Bernard Miller