It’s an amazing feeling to wake up on an ordinary day and realize that a long nagging pain had suddenly dissipated. It happened to me and the emotional effect was amazing.
You see, as a small child at the age of 3 I found my world forever altered as I walked into the orphanage that was to be my home. I no more understood how and why I got there than how I was ever going to get out. Don’ t feel sorry for me. My existence there wasn’t miserable. I wasn’t mistreated like hollywood would have you imagine. I had friends and siblings and nuns who actually cared. I had dreams, responsibilities and my expansive imagination.
But there was one other thing that I carried with me and that was a new companion called abandonment. Dang what a nagging cold and elusive trickster. I have found him lurking and smirking at me inside every relationship I have ever encountered. He was hanging out with my friends, disappointed family members, men of all sorts, but most pervasively inside my own mind. I had fallen prey to his curious wiles and had abandoned myself by practicing the fine art of self doubt. What a deflating realization.
Oh yes, I admit I became a master at role playing. Sometimes hiding behind my mask of strong, confidant woman. At other times just being the jokester with irreverent sarcasm and self preservation. I crafted a wall of protection so perfect that I didn’ t recognize it under it’s cloaking devises.
And just when I was thoroughly conned into accepting that people leave me -always, it happened. Mighty Inspiration. The book that to many is a touching bit of truth. But to me, the author, it was a living and breathing love letter. From the first day of the experience that is chronicled in its pages I knew that I was not alone and had never been abandoned. GOD loves me. He said so. I heard it and felt it and knew I would not ever be the same.
I still sometimes feel the nagging memory of the little girl inside reminding me of the pain and betrayal of one or another person who walked away from my life. But then I always hear the words again …”I wanted to be with you so I created you.”
What message of love will you hear? What destructive pain will be healed for you? I implore you to find your relief and message too.