Emotions are fickle – have you ever noticed? I live my life as an upbeat, positive person looking at the silver linings and expecting the best from life and those who are in it. It somehow surprises me when the disappointments come … and yet on the other hand, maybe not. I’ve spent many hours and years working to improve myself and my relationship with this thing called life. I know more than I think, I understand a lot about myself and hope to know what I need about others – at least I’m always learning. And, I’m acutely aware that it’s all an illusion. And yet, I still find myself waking up on days like today feeling melancholy. The voids in my life seem to be deeper and wider – more pronounced for some reason.
There is fun to be had for sure – for goodness sake it’s New Year’s Eve! This past year, 2013, has been a gloriously blessed year for me. I celebrated my 50th birthday with the love of family and friends giving back to community. I have met new friends, added a daughter-in-law to my family, traveled to parts of the world I have only always dreamed of. It has been a fabulous time. There have been heartaches, mostly in the form of soul friends crossing to the next adventure before me. I know I’ll see them again so I celebrate the gift they have been in my life.
There’s just something kind of sad about this day of crossing over. It’s not fear, it’s not worry, it’s just a silly, fickle emotion. I will sit with it for a brief time to try to discern the lesson in it. I will not wallow – sadness just isn’t a very good friend.
And then I will shake off this melancholy visitor to get back to my celebratory self. I will don a goofy hat and tweet the kazoo of a New Year party favor as I ring in the new year with friends and family. For tomorrow I know the sun shines on the dawn of a new year. There is no magic in the change from one day to the next … simply a choice to start afresh. Set new goals. Begin new adventures. Love more. Be more. Create more.
No matter what emotion is visiting you today – I wish you blessings of the mind, heart, and spirit for 2014. Happy New Year!! See you on the other side!
In a crowded town on the first day of December the weather was unusually warm here. The sun peeked in and out and I found myself grabbing over and over for the protection of my sunglasses. It doesn’t feel like the 3 weeks leading up to Christmas. Oh, the Christmas music is playing on all my favorite radio stations. And the shops are decorated and the billboards are touting the season. But something was amiss today.
After some welcome reflective time spent in community, I realized as I turned to go home, that the emotion closest to the surface was loneliness. Not because I am physically alone in the world – I have my wonderful children, friends, and family who love me. But a deeper melancholy – one that speaks of the soul. One that soaks in the realization that in spite of what I own and who I know, I am travelling on this life journey alone. I am influenced by others and seek to do the same. But I am learning my lessons, one at a time, on my own. I am opening my heart to greater awareness in solitary cadence and with a rhythm all my own. This is not the loneliness of the heart, this is the loneliness of the mind when we realize that we are surrounded by a voice, our own voice, narrating our life one thought at a time.
Perhaps I am alone in these thoughts as well. In that moment I knew that I had a choice to make. I could focus on the solitary emotions of the journey or I could relish the connections of the heart. And that is what I chose. I chose to connect with the woman at the restaurant where I picked up my dinner. I chose to connect with my son who is rarely home when I am. I chose to connect with my dogs who make home just a little bit warmer. And now, I choose to connect with you. This is the only thing – the touch of other solitary travelers, that chases the loneliness away.
On your solitary journey, when the melancholy sinks in a little too close, reach out and connect and be blessed!