Tag Archive | Parent

I’m okay with that!


After my lovely, solitary, and yet happy Valentine’s day yesterday, I realized something about myself. Oh, I’m probably just joining the ranks of many folks my age who are coming “into their own”. I realized that I am finally at peace with who I am in my life.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I have it all figured out or that my learning and growth is complete. No way – I love to (and need to) learn. I’m not saying all is sunshine and holidays. Nope – life has many ups and downs and I know I’ll experience many more of both. And I’m definitely not saying I’ve got the answers to my foibles and shortcomings, because I’m still working on those til my dying day. But I am finally at peace with this person I call me.

As a parent, I can look at my children and know that I did the best I could in every moment I’ve had raising them. Some were not stellar moments for me but it was the best I had to give at the time. Some stood out as the best of the best of me, which can only be attributed to the up raising I had by the wonderful family who adopted me, as well as the faith I have carried within. As I move dauntingly and quickly toward empty-nest status, I know I have done my job well and raised two human beings who have an appreciation for life and respect for others. They also are not perfect but they are good human beings. I have given them a moral foundation that they may or may not cling to, but I have provided it. I have scrimped and sacrificed so they could get the best education within my means. As my youngest is about to be 21, I am painfully aware that I have shifted roles from mommy to mom/friend. I’m okay with that.

As a woman, I can look at my life and know that I have not always taken the high road or the right road. But I can say I’ve come 180 degrees from the flippant, self-conscious, insecure girl who made bad choices to fill the holes in her heart. I may still have some holes in my heart but I know I can’t fill them with men who do not appreciate or respect me. I cannot fill them with self-destructive self-talk or behaviors. I can only examine them, learn from them, and fill the rest of my life with things for which I have a passion. I know for certain that I will never turn my weaknesses into strengths but I can work to neutralize them.  The holes – well, those are for God to fill. I’m okay with that.

As a friend, I know I’ve made a few cherished ones along my lifetime. They are precious and constant, no matter the distance of time or space. They are unconditional and truly genuine. On my end, I know that I am loyal and supportive. I may not always be perfect, or do the perfect thing, or say the perfect thing, or have the perfect memory. I can say that I am always true in my intention and love of those who I’m blessed to call mine. I’m okay with that.

As a Christian, I know that I have God in my life. In every up and down I’ve traveled through, I have never wavered in my knowledge that I am loved and I will be okay. As I like to say, God hasn’t abandoned me yet, I’m pretty sure he’s not going to start today. I have learned that it’s just fine for me to speak my faith. I don’t need to hide it. I don’t need to scream it. I can speak and show my faith without tearing down what others believe. I do not need to convince others of what I believe or know – I couldn’t if I tried. I simply need to live my faith and share my story.  The rest is their journey. I’m okay with that.

I say all this, not because I have a perfect life. Haha, that is hysterical because I have a decidedly imperfect life. I make mistakes all the time and I chastise myself for them too. I know I’ll forgive myself but I won’t forget. I have troubles and strife that seem to shadow me to a point that is nearly unbearable. But in the end, I know that I am a survivor and not a victim. I have scratched and clawed myself to a level of integrity and faith that only trouble can guide me to. I know I’m an imperfect woman with a desire to improve all the time. I’m okay with that.

So, through it all and in it all, I am finally at peace with who I am. I pray you can be at peace … and be blessed too!

Gotta make something!


I really wanna make something. Ever have one of those days? They seem to creep up on me from time to time.  And today is one of those make something kind of days. I wasn’t always this way …

When I was younger, in my early 20’s life was all about work, career, success, getting ahead, and finding my place in the world. I was a “business professional” and that was that. Then lo and behold my husband got a job out-of-state.  He assured me it was no big thing – just over the border and he’d commute each way. Nothing would change. Oh, but I knew deep inside that this would change everything.

So, after several days of treacherous weather on winding country roads with no lights, he slid dangerously off the road on ice, nearly careening over the edge of a steep hill. Yikes! That was that.  No more commuting and my life as a career woman was about to end. We moved to a little town in the middle of no-where Indiana. There was no work for me there and I suddenly (yet secretly and joyfully) became a stay-at-home mom.

Oh, there were the joys of waking up slowly with my two toddlers.  The slower pace was delicious.  That was the good part. The other part was the solitude of being new in a small town. Alone – no family to pop over. No friends to meet for dinner. Nothing but a 2 and 4 year old with the cutest “kissing” cheeks around. Well, that and plastic toys. Heavy sigh. I was on the slow train to nowhere and the fast track to stir crazy. I was torn in two between absolutely loving the experience of being 100% mom and wondering if I’d ever have another adult conversation. It was slow going to make new friends as we were the only family with young kids in our newly budding neighborhood.

Then one day, one glorious unexpected day, the local hardware store was having a “learn how to faux paint class.” Figuring I had nothing to lose I packed up the kidlings and headed on over. And what to my wondering eyes should appear … a rainbow of paints and some mini-fake walls. The kids finger painted on the bottom of my wall while I learned to twirl, dab, smudge, swish and brush. I was in heaven! The Pandora’s box to my creative self came busting open. Can’t you just see the sunbeams bursting and the “ta-da” music wrapping around me?! No, oh, well, I did.

And ever since then, the creative juices and flair have been unable to be restrained. I learned to paint and did it for all my new friends’ homes. I sought out all manner of creative outlets from basket weaving (don’t laugh!) to cross-stitching. I made home-made gifts and decorations for my home. I became the make it maven of my family.  The secret crafting fairy had sprinkled me with fairy dust and my heart was set free to do arts and crafts and get my kids involved as well.

And that was the beginning of my “gotta make something” days. Oh how I hear the sweet call of my creative siren. I’m going to have to borrow my sweet little niece for some painting or pottery very, very soon!

What about you – what are you making these days?