Searching for Trust

I’ve been pondering the concept of trust alot lately. I want to trust. I think we all do. So I have been searching. It is an illusive thing and when I look at where I can place my trust – truly – the list of possibilities gives me pause.

Can I trust my emotions – nope, those are fickle, fleeting things. Can I trust my memories – I find more and more that I cannot because memory is only snippets of experiences seen through my lens from my angle, which is not the whole story. Can I trust the words and actions of others – sometimes, but people are imperfect and influenced by many things. Can I trust my thoughts – not really because my mind is limited and as the saying goes – it is our prerogative to change our mind. Can I trust what I hear, read, and see – well, that can be a fool’s journey for we do not know and rarely can verify what is an illusion, half-truth, down right lie, or incomplete accounting. Can I trust my faith – I hope so, but that is really a question of can I trust myself for faith is based on what I have learned thus far. Faith can be tested. Faith can be misguided. Faith isn’t about what I “know”, it’s about what I “believe”. As I look back over my journey of faith I find that every time I expand my awareness or deepen my faith – what I believed to be true before was only partial knowing.

I search and seek the answer. At the end of my mental listing I find there is only one thing that I can trust – and that is God (Source, Oneness or whatever word you choose). God, having created me in his (or her) image is the essence of all that is good in me. God isn’t an entity I “believe” in. God is my source, who I know in the very core of my soul. God gives love, speaks love and never wavers in that position. Many teach that we should fear the wrath and judgment of God, but it is my only experience that God is gentle and kind. God does does not judge as humans do but rather based on who he is, not who I am. And God is unfailing, unconditional love. Unconditional meaning there is no condition under which he does not love me, accept me, forgive me. God NEVER rejects me. God is the one place where my trust has never come back unanswered. God is not ever the source of my pain – life and the free will of myself or others may be. But God is where my rest, my comfort, my completion can be found. This is what I can trust.

Be blessed, dear friends, as you go on your quest of life and discover your source of trust.

 

I AM – an original poem

I AM

Sitting in silence I look, I wait.

I do not hear the rustle of movement but I feel you move.

I stand flush with excitement as I know you are near.

Hearing your whisper, my spirit sinks into your comforting embrace.

With Spirit surrounding my mind there is peace.

I press my heart closer to heaven

To hear you words more clearly.

I am swept away with soul listening.

Mesmerized by the timber of your voice.

I speak not just to you, but with you.

Whole.

Blessed.

I am.

~ Barbara Bernard Miller

Snowflake

Today as I look at my snow-covered world I ponder on the beauty. And what occurs to me is that everything, the all-oneness of the universe, is in a single snowflake. I am mesmerized that the Creator of the universe, the Creator who brought you and me into existence, so loves uniqueness that he even creates every snowflake to stand as a perfect, totally new object of beauty. I stand in awe …

Consciousness of Connection

I’ve been doing much thinking and reading about human consciousness lately. My awareness is expanding as is my intuitive understanding. I find myself doing less “longing” to connect and realizing more and more that we already are connected. We are connected by heart, by thought, by trends, by beliefs, by experience, and by design.

It is in connecting to others that we find our unique gifts and blessings meant to share. It is in seeing what others bring to the game of life that I become more and more aware of how I can help them, and they in turn help me. It may seem that we are all walking around with our own existence, and as some say, starring in our own life movie. But in reality, it’s just one movie. We share some scenes. We share the spotlight but it’s all meant to bring each and every one of us closer together. And … closer to Divinity – by whatever name you use to define God.

I invite you to share your gifts more freely. Show the world the mighty gift you carry inside your heart. I invite you to partake more fully in the exchange of energy and love. I cheer you on as you change your corner of the world and acknowledge that you also change my corner of the world, because together we make a difference to each other.

Blessing and love to you my fellow wanderers!

 

One – original poem

ONE

One glance and the connection is acknowledged.

One conversation and all is made clear.

It is the ease and the peace and the trust that feels familiar.

The timber of your voice resonates from time before time.

This can be no mistaken identity. 

And as I go inside my mind and transcend thoughts into that place of knowing.

I remember the brilliance of your soul as it was illuminated by God’s face.

Every inch of my soul screams in the ecstasy of remembering.

Not of the temporal knowledge but of the eternal knowledge that I have found you at long last.

This is not a discovery of who you are but a remembering of who you have always been.

The white light sparkle that drips from you intermingles with the same that drips from me.

And with this recognition comes a longing to romp, roll, and revel in the wisdom of your soul.

And again, we can be one.

One of mind, seeking to live in truth.

One of heart, beating with the love of all that is real and unfettered by mortal temples.

One path, skipping forward into the bliss of reunion.

One love, of which all things are created.

Simply one. 

~ Barbara Bernard Miller

 

 

Following a dream …

I have been following a dream lately and find that it is in the following that blessings begin to appear.

I have in times past, given into moments of doubt when I listen to the fearful chatter in my mind about not being right, not being knowledgeable enough, not being worthy. Those days and those old dreams became a burden and it got me nothing but more questions. That path was a muddled mess.

I learned, when I wrote my book MIGHTY INSPIRATION, Love Letters from God that the promptings in our hearts are not directives, but glorious invitations. By stepping into the possibilities true inspiration turns into connections which turns into success.

And so this new dream has become a welcoming into new possibilities. I am finding support on the left and the right. I am finding my steps guided by instinct and intuition, as well as connection and happy, serendipitous timing.

Do you have a dream, that twinkling possibility of success, or blessing that is stirring inside of you? What if the mere fact that it is stirring is the sign you need that it will be a success? What if your dream is the exact thing that will bring about someone else’s dream. We are all so interconnected that the success and failure of one is part of the domino affect that leads to the success or failure of another.

Oh, I know, there is someone out in the etherworld who needs to hear this: Step out! Go for it! Inquire and take a risk. It is in our action that we tell God and the angels which path we want to be on. The universe is uniquely designed to support our actions.

Today … do one thing that is in line with your dream and tomorrow the next thing will reveal itself.

Join me and be blessed!

Aunt Jean, you are loved!

Yesterday my Aunt Jean passed away. I didn’t see it coming, frankly. She’s been sick many times and with prayers from so many, she always had the grace of God behind her healing and pulled through. But yesterday was her “Going Home” day and our prayers were answered differently.

It was a tough day yesterday. I heard of 5 deaths, ranging from an infant, to a young man in his 20’s, to a girl battling cancer, to an expert in his field, and finally, sadly, to my Aunt. My heart was so heavy with that news.

Aunt Jean was actually my aunt in my birth family. At the age of 19 she recognized me out at the mall. I was shocked but as I grew to know her, I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. She always had her eye out for me and my siblings who were placed in an orphanage years ago. She had the memory of an elephant – she could remember details and tell stories like no other. Although she hadn’t seen me since I was 3, she said she knew my eyes and that was it. I must admit, I wasn’t always emotionally ready for the heaping and mixing of birth family and adopted (what I call my “real” family). And through the years I bobbed and weaved in and out of Aunt Jean’s hugs. It didn’t really matter. She was steadfast. She was patient. She was faithful. And when, in my 40’s I was finally ready to be whole, she was waiting for me without hesitation. She shared pictures, and stories … and love. I will never forget her generous heart and her happy laugh. She was an angel to me in many ways. We used to fantasize about what it would have been like if she had been my birth mother instead of my Aunt. Those were fun little fantasies and I knew, there was something special in her that allowed her reach out through the turmoil and the years to recognize me.

My heart is heavy from this loss. There were still words and stories unspoken. But I count myself blessed for having been given the chance to get to know her. I got to cry with her, laugh with her, break bread with her, and pray with her. What could be better. And now, I know she is singing and dancing with the love of her life, Uncle Norbert, as they praise at Heaven’s throne. I love you Aunt Jean. As a  fellow writer I wrote this simple little poem for you.

See you on the other side! Be BLESSED!

“The tears I shed are bittersweet,
And with hand to heart I pray.
That your joy in heaven be complete,
As we say good bye today.
The hole we feel as our lives go on,
Will only hurt a while.
I’ll keep my eyes on eternity’s gate,
Where I’ll once again see your smile.”
~ Barbara Bernard Miller

Transitions and Dichotomies

Have you ever noticed that the rhythm of life seems to bring highs and lows at the very same time? I have often wondered if it’s God’s way of balancing our hearts so they do not break under the pressure of sad events. It is the rainbow that is in the midst of the rain and lightening. It is hard to notice one without noticing the power of the other. And I suppose the why of it all and the timing sequence is one of those questions that will remain unanswered in this lifetime.

Right now, I feel that life is in transition in so many places. My son is marrying the love of his life in less than a month. My daughter will soon follow next year. The joy I feel for them both is still tripped up by the mourning of that time I had with them as children. Oh sure, they are still my children but soon they will be someone else’s spouse. The center of their world has already shifted but mine is lingering behind. My day to day life has changed and that is not painful. But those still quiet moments when I think of what has ended forever, my heart breaks in the memory of it all. So life at home is changing and shifting every day.

On the other end of the spectrum, while my children move into beginnings, I see endings for others I love. One of those is my Grandma. I still am blessed to have both of my grandmothers – one 94 and the other soon to be 90. The older one is recovering from 2 strokes and it seems at times that she is slowly slipping away. Her mind is still fairly good but her body is weakening. When I sit with her she sometimes is quite focused on what’s happening here and then I notice her drifting forward, looking, seeking, longing for what’s next. Even asking for it at times. I know this is the cycle of life, but the timing is right in the midst of joyful transitions. It seems that the timing is “off” – I am jumbled in the joy and the sadness.

On the career front I have been dreaming and working toward a new possibility as I see the long-term career cresting toward the final years. This is a bittersweet transition as I have great longing for both possibilities. But as one bloom on the tree of life wanes, another begins to appear. It is the balance of yin and yang. Dark and light. Morning and evening. The world seems to be spinning out of control and standing still at the same time.

Perhaps transitions is one word to explain it and dichotomies is another. It appears that life has 2 opposites existing at the same time for me. For many people this is true I imagine. And I find myself not knowing whether to celebrate or to mourn. To plan or to wrap-up. Today I stand in the middle and my mood is fickle.

What transitions and dichotomies are you grappling with? Any tips and tricks for standing in the middle?

Be blessed!

Comments for a Cause: Adventures in Missions

Ahh, I’m late, I’m late, I’m late!! Been running around getting busy with preparations for my son’s move out, his upcoming wedding and miscellaneous other family oriented things and I plum forgot to come back and finish up May’s business.

May is concluded and so has my counting of comments for cause on behalf of Cincinnati Children’s Hospital! They are a wonderful organization that is bringing life and support to so many in our community. It is my pleasure to be in support of them! You can click HERE to go to their website, learn about them, and support them as well.

JUNE’s CHARITY:  ADVENTURES IN MISSIONS – Disaster Response Fund

My cousin Michelle Harbin is an inspiration to me! She follows her heart and God as he calls her to help in this world. She has started an orphanage in eastern Europe, she has taken two mission trips to Haiti after the earthquake, she has moved to another state to follow her calling to minister there. She’s a mentor and a friend. And now she’s on the move again as she’s taking a trip to Moore, OK to help after the devastation from the tornadoes. Therefore, in honor of my cousin and her stepping out in faith, this month I’m supporting Adventures in Missions as that is the group she’ll be going with to help in middle America. Thanks Michelle for the inspiration – your friends and family are all behind you!

So, spread the word – for every comment I receive on any post in my blog in June, I’ll make a donation to Adventures in Missions Disaster Response Fund. I call it Comments for a Cause. It’s free for you and fulfilling for me. So, don’t just “like”, share the news and speak up to have your comment count!

Be blessed!

 

 

Spirituality moves me …

Today I had an interesting conversation with a work colleague/friend. It’s not the type of conversation I venture into very often because for some people it is controversial. But, since this is my blog and my thoughts, I figure I’m entitled to share them here if I so choose. So I do so with a caveat – if you disagree, I am completely fine with that and respect your point-of-view, and hope you do the same for me. Please refrain from any negative harassment as I won’t tolerate it on my page – either by readers or towards readers. It’s just my ethics.

So… the conversation was about spirituality vs. religion. Now to be fair let me say that I was raised Catholic – Catholic orphanage run by nuns, Catholic grade school and high school, also run by nuns. I even attended a Jesuit Catholic college. My world was singularly Catholic, which is not uncommon in Cincinnati as it is a predominantly German Catholic culture. That was, until I lived for 5 years in a small town that was decidedly NOT Catholic, by majority numbers anyway. I am proud of my upbringing and find solace in many parts of my religious upbringing, particularly the reverence I find present in the church during worship.

Nope, that’s not the controversial bit. What is … is that I find as I get older I become more spiritual and less religious. The more I know about the big churches (no, not just the Catholic church) the more it is blatantly apparent that the “rules” have really strayed quite a bit from the life of Christ and I find it difficult to look at them without seeing that. As I’ve grown older I’ve continued to seek God and to deepen my relationship with Him. That life of spirituality moves me and … it supersedes religion. This is a relationship that makes my soul sing. It is a place that recognizes God in people no matter what their religion or background. Funny things is, I learned so much of this from some nuns I met in my adulthood.

I still consider myself Catholic because I believe in the basic tenants of the faith. But I do not consider myself to be a blind follower of “the church”. Yikes that won’t sit well with many people I know and love. And I’m okay with that. Actually I believe when we die and transition to heaven there will be a lot of Catholic people (and others too) who will be shocked to look around and see who else is there. lol Sorry, I can’t help myself from laughing. I know that God is love and love is all encompassing. I know that the building you sit in to praise him is irrelevant to him. The labels we use for ourselves and others are meaningless in an eternal view. Jesus did not come here to start a religion. Wow – that’s quite a heady statement if you really, really, really examine it. And with all the human frailties and sins committed by people of every faith I cannot imagine a scenario in which God’s Heaven – His eternal domain, is not big enough and loving enough to include us all. We all sin differently but we all sin.

I saw a bit of shock in my friend’s face when I stated this. And in that moment I knew, yet again, that spirituality is a topic that doesn’t get talked about enough. There should be no mystery about a relationship with God just because there are religions who profess to know all the answers and have the only path.

And so I sigh a heavy sigh. I pray unceasingly that Love overtake the world, no matter what the denomination.

Be loved and be blessed!

Did you know that I love you?

Today seems to be such a “charged” day for people. Those who are in love, or are loved even have a difficult time deciding if it’s a love/hate relationship they have with Valentine’s Day. Is it just another Hallmark card day? Is it really about hearts, candy, jewelry and gifts? Or is it simply the celebration of St. Valentine himself? Does having a romantic love have to be the only way or reason to celebrate it? All the questions and comments I see make me wonder if people really know what love is anyway.

Love is a gift – not earned, not force-able, not ending. Here’s what the bible has to say:

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
I Corinthians 13:4-8

I notice that the definition doesn’t have any “or” in it. That is the key I think. And none of that quote says anything about romance, sex, dating, marriage, etc. It’s all about love. Love of self – it still all fits. Love of neighbor – yep, it still fits. Love of family, friend, partner – you bet. Love of God – indeed!

So today, while my life and my relationship status may be different than yours, I still find today a reminder of what is real love. There is no reason to force another to give it to me – I simply choose to give it to you!

So Happy Valentine’s Day! Happy I love you because I can day! Happy be the love in the world day! And be blessed!

 

Just another day in paradise …

I’m so glad that God still performs miracles! He does them every day and thankfully I try to be aware of them. I know I miss some along the way by being busy and distracted. However, some are just too HUGE to miss. Yesterday I received one of those – BIG, really very BIG!

I’ve shared on my blog that I am adopted. I spent ages 3-8 in the orphanage and was adopted by a lovely family. I don’t even think about being adopted anymore really – they are simply my family. I spent most of my life turning my back on my painful past and keeping my eyes on my good fortune and the love this family showered me with. I was saved and I have no idea how or why. God plucked me from a hellish situation and gave me another path to walk. Leaving the past behind me worked for me as I got to create myself anew.

However, as I’m dancing in my middle age I have been gradually collecting blessings as I reconcile my past and my present. I realized along the way that there is enough love in me to keep my family and to reconnect with those in my birth family as well. And last night I reconnected a little bit more.

It was a quiet evening – just me and my puppies sitting by my fire trying to figure out what to watch on TV. One of my regained sisters, Lynnette, called me out of the blue. I’m thankful to have reconnected with her but we don’t get a chance to talk much (not nearly enough). She said “get in your car and come now”. She went on to tell me that my “baby brother” who lives in Texas and drives a big rig was about 90 minutes away from her house and was stopping on his way through. Wow! Now that was not a call I was expecting to get. So into my car I got and I drove the 50 minutes to her house. It was a multiple event as this was my first time meeting her lovely children and wonderful husband. That was momentous enough.

Then we hopped in her car and drove to the rest stop an exit away where he was to meet her. Of course she didn’t tell him I was coming but it was a wonderful surprise! I cannot describe in words what it feels like to look into the eyes of someone you’ve not seen for 43 years since he was a babe in arms. I cannot articulate the blessing and the healing that happens in that miraculous moment. Even with my command of words and love of using them … I cannot describe it.

I am bone tired but happy for the conversation into the wee hours of the night. I am blessed to know that the pains of childhood really can be released in adulthood. I am so awed that in the midst of craziness and hardship, this man turned out to be a warm, genuine, sweet man. The miracles just don’t stop happening when you are hanging out here in paradise.

Hugs your siblings, hold them tight … and be blessed!

Humanity Revolution

Today I saw a picture that included a bit of statistic. It stopped me in my tracks. Here – I’ll share it with you.

I knew we had the means in our modern world but it never sunk in … until I saw this. What the HELL is wrong with us? How is it we as a people have traveled so far from our Divine roots that we would think that this is okay. We have enough firepower in this world to kill everyone many, many times over … and yet we can all only die just once. Apparently that’s not enough because we build more, we threaten more, we bully and we fight more. Evil has settled into our society and we no longer see it as such.

And we also have the ability to feed every hungry child, mother, father, elderly and needy person over and over and over and yet we don’t do it even once. We share a little but only during disasters. Isn’t starvation every day a disaster?

My heart aches today. The way we destroy our world is one thing – a horrible thing. But the way we ignore, destroy, and debase other human souls is simply unacceptable. There is nothing but grace of God that has made me born where I was and having the opportunities that I have. I surely didn’t deserve them. I didn’t earn them. I simply have them. I have an embarrassment of riches and it is an awareness that keeps me giving whenever I can.

What does it take to create a Humanity Revolution? I see pockets of people in the world here and there doing what they can. We show our kindness in groundswells but I still feel very small in this. I feel like all that I do is but a drop in an immense ocean. How do we rise up in revolution to actually change the world, once and for all, without excuse, without boundaries and national, selfish pride? How do we let our divine humanity overtake the evil that wants to keep our eyes clouded or distracted?  I want to do more. I want to inspire more. I want to save the souls that don’t deserve any less than me. All I can do is inspire those that know me. I can only feed those that come in contact with me with the limited funds I have. I cannot solve this world’s problem alone but I vow, every day to save those that I can.

I don’t have the answers. I don’t know how to sway the hearts and hands of those that rule this nation or any other nation bent on war. But I pray that every heart that knows love will stand up and feed instead of fight. I will stand up and feed. Will you join me … and be blessed!

 

Celebrating fleeting beauty …

I don’t know about your corner of the world, but the last few days here in Cincinnati has seen an explosion of color in the sunrises and sunsets. The science of it I’m sure is fascinating, but I see the glorious colors of God’s palette. The Master’s hand is of course, perfect!

What is it about blazing fuchsias, kissed by buttery golds and royal purples that makes hope and optimism spring forth so boldly in my soul? In those precious few moments of the day when the grey shadows recede and the blackness of night backs away I feel like there is nothing wrong in the world. There is only beauty. There is only a light show that is created simply to kiss us good morning or wish us a sweet dream at night.

I feel blessed to see the artwork of nature and know that this moment, this masterpiece will never appear in this same way ever again. It is much like the masterpiece that you are. In an existence of many sunrises and many sunsets, or many men and many women, there is only one unique and glorious you.

Today, I celebrate the fleeting beauty of nature, and I celebrate you! Be blessed!

 

Keep moving …

There are so many days and so many ways that I need reminded that I’m on the right path. I know what I believe, what I feel, and what I desire. And yet those things seem to find ways of falling short of what others expect or want from me. And sometimes, they fall short of what I believe God calls me to do and be.

And so, I stand humbly reaching out my hand in love, in friendship, and in faith. I seek to balance the spiritual life I live with the physical life I’m leading. What I know for sure is that is not an easy task. It stretches me to places I don’t expect.  I sometimes need to choose something that is greater than the things I want. I must choose the things that align with a greater purpose.

To those I disappoint or hurt, I apologize.

To those I inspire, I pray it is enough to encourage you to keep moving on your positive path.

And for me, I will pray more, listen harder, and continue to seek to move in the “right” direction.

Pray for me, pray with me, and be blessed!